When I planned to write this as part of Blogtober, I didn’t realise how much I wanted to say and therefore how long it would take me to write this into one coherent and reasonably concise post. I decided to split it into 4 main sections to give it some more clarity, and you can obviously skip to certain parts if you don’t want to read the whole thing, as I understand this might bore some people if I ramble on about my life and boys and all that jazz.
It’s very difficult to reflect on your life honestly and constructively; many people either brush away the negatives, or they wallow in self-pity and have so many regrets. I wanted to write a letter to my younger self in the same style as a letter I could write to my younger sister who is currently 10, so I was thinking of her a lot of the time that I wrote it and using my own experiences in life to help with this.
I hope you enjoy it x
A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF
There is so much to life that might not make sense to you right now, or that you think you know everything about. It’s extremely belittling when adults tell you that you know nothing of the world, and I know you’re too headstrong to listen to this anyway, but trust me when I say- there are so many experiences out there that you can’t even imagine will ever happen to you; some I wish hadn’t, and some are experiences that we can only learn by.
Boys: Let’s start with the big topic, shall we? Boys and heartbreak go hand in hand. Never let anyone tell you that you’re not in love, but don’t rush to say it just because other kids are. Love isn’t just something you say, it’s a promise that you make to the other person in those 3 little words. It means you’re there for that person, you understand them, you accept them; you’ll always support their dreams and pick them up when they fall. You’ll have boys who tell you they love you, and unfortunately you’ll experience heartbreak at the hands of these same boys- that doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of being loved. Teenage boys throw the L word around because they think it’s what girls need to hear, and as nice as it is to be told you’re loved, that doesn’t necessarily mean a boy is IN love with you enough to give you everything you need. You’ll eventually realise the difference between saying it for the sake of it and actually meaning every single syllable with your entire soul. Don’t let yourself get pressured into sex or any situations with boys; no one cares about when you lost your virginity when you’re in your 20s, there are so many more important things to talk about (like who ate the last tin of beans!) so don’t feel like you need to rush into it, because you will definitely regret it.
Some people marry their childhood sweethearts, some people wait until they are 50,60,70 to find the person they spend the rest of their lives with- it’s not a race, but a journey. Watch 10000 rom coms, believe whole heartedly in love and don’t let anyone tell you it’s ridiculous to think so- trust me, love is something that makes your heart implode and explode and beat like a hummingbird’s when it’s right, so always hold out for it.
Don’t flake on friends for a new boyfriend; remember they’re the ones who can vet this guy out and they’re the ones you’ll need to go to for advice… and unfortunately a shoulder to cry on most of the time. Girlfriends are almost as important as your boyfriend, as they’re your confidantes and supports during the relationship- just remember not to let them meddle too much in your life.
Finally, Daisy, don’t let any boy define who you are, and don’t depend on a boy to make you feel good about yourself: own your own confidence, be comfortable in yourself. Make that ridiculous joke, laugh so hard that you have double, TRIPLE chins; yes boys love confidence but it’s also important that you’re happy and secure in yourself before letting any guy take up that role.
Bullies: It breaks my heart that I have to write about this, more than the previous section. Bullies are the worst, there’s nothing else to it. There’s a saying that in high school, it’s ‘either bully or be bullied’. This might be true of fictional American high schools where angry jocks rule the corridors and throw unsuspecting nerds into lockers, but we’re British for god sake. However, bullies are still pretty brutal in our school, so here are a couple of pointers.
Girls can be just as vicious as boys. Actually no, girls can be worse because they know exactly how to taunt and get into your head. Going to an all girls school is hard enough, so don’t try something you’re not otherwise people will see straight through that and it won’t help you. Find a nice group of friends, be kind to others, don’t hang out with anyone smoking by the bins, and you’ll get through this jungle.
Bullies need fuel for their fire or it will die out- it might hurt like absolute hell to be taunted, but fuck them. You’ll probably end up better off in the long run from developing a thicker skin, being confident by not giving a shit what anyone else thinks, and having a strong group of truly supportive friends. I thought high school was all a big popularity contest and wasn’t actually happy until the last few years where I realised I just needed a couple of good friends and more confidence in myself to be happy.
Bras, Boobs and Bodies: Oh my god, the bane of every woman’s life! Getting your first cotton training bra is so exciting because you finally feel like you’re becoming a grown up, but trust me it’s all downhill from there. There’s boob anxiety- are they too big or too small, are the nipples an okay colour- you’ll get backache for no damn reason, there’s the pressure of wearing matching underwear for some reason, periods just make boobs like bags of pain on your chest… it’s all a big kerfuffle. Bras are generally uncomfortable but if you get sized properly and invest in slightly more expensive and well-made bras, it will make all the difference.
It’s so important to remember that your body is the only one you’ll get in this life so there’s no point in comparing yourself to anyone else. Body anxiety continues right the way through life, it doesn’t magically stop at a certain age, but it’s so important that you try and love the skin you’re in. Plastic surgery and all of these lotions and potions that are splashed across the tv and magazines are all well and good, but it’s not necessary if you allow yourself the chance to love you. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of self love, just don’t go too far and turn into a dickhead- keep a good balance.
Anxiety: So along with all of the normal teenage angst, pretty soon you’re going to start experiencing anxiety for the first time. It’ll creep up on you like a slow fog on a winter’s morning, and you won’t notice it because of the mounting pressure of joining high school, but it’s there. Don’t panic, more people go through it than you think. People might judge you, say it’s in your head, not understand what you need. Don’t worry about anyone else. There are things that you’ll do because of this that will impact you for the rest of your life: relax. Everybody makes their own decisions in life, it’s not the end of the world. Eventually you’ll learn how to deal with this and believe it or not, it won’t hold you back from doing the things you love… most of the time anyway. Have patience with yourself and it will definitely all get better in the end.
And most importantly: breathe.
I wish I could tell you not to go out on a certain day so that you’ll avoid life-altering situations, or to make this or that decision, but in life you make your own choices and mistakes without knowing what will happen as a result. People end up having regrets and that’s also a part of life; just don’t end up regretting all of the things you didn’t do with your life. Go out and take the world in; embrace cultures, meet people, fall in love, eat every food under the sun, WEAR SUNCREAM, don’t drink fizzy drinks (they rot your teeth), floss every now and then, try fad diets but don’t get upset when they don’t work (we all know it’s a load of bull anyway), make the biggest and best mistakes of your life and reap the benefits of pushing yourself beyond your wildest dreams.
I promise, the best is yet to come.
Lots of Love,