This is understandably the most difficult letter to write out of the three. I could advise my younger, more naive self; I can relate to my current, anxious self; I have no idea who you are though. You are me yet you’re not. There is so much that I don’t know about you and your life, so many burning questions that run through my weary head daily- are you doing what you love for a living, did you have the family you’ve been dreaming of for years, did you get married, where did you settle down, did you finally pass your driving test? There’s so much we don’t know about the future yet we feel like it’s our right to demand the answers to things that haven’t yet happened, in order to improve our current state of being.
Of course, it’s not that simple.
All I can therefore hope, is that you’re happy… I’m happy… it’s confusing because you’re someone I haven’t grown into yet. It’s easier to separate yourself from your past and future selves because your present is the most important, most current, easiest to control and alter until you’re somewhat happy. But the future, my god, it’s the biggest mystery of all- what will become of me, who will I be with, who will I be?? There are so many different realities that I picture in my head of what might happen with my future, the most ideal being that I’ve got a big family, I’m married, making a career with blogging… But who am I to say that any of that is going to happen? Sure I’m working towards all of my goals now and have a trajectory of where I want my life to be within certain years; I’m always striving to achieve things that are going to help me get along in life… but that could all come to an end as soon as it started.
There’s definitely no point in planning out the future to the last little minute detail, but it can’t hurt to have a solid idea of what you want in order to have something to work towards. I guess the main thing I want is to be happy, that’s all anyone really wants, isn’t it? The thing is, what is it that makes us happy? For me it’s the idea of one day having a family and a good career on social media, but I have other goals like opening my own little cake shop or being a language teacher- which is what my university career is aimed towards. I have so many goals and aspirations in life; places I want to go, things I want to do… so much to cross off of my bucket list. Yes, you may remember the bucket list- the list of things to have achieved by the age of 25. You might be laughing looking back at it now because I was so stubborn and determined to have it all completed… well, I hope I made a good attempt at it, despite there being some 150 items on there!
I hope you’re/I’m happy in life. I hope that those crazy, heartwarming dreams got achieved and you don’t feel like you’ve wasted your life- as you know, one of my biggest fears since I was a child was growing up to not have achieved anything. I hope to come back at the age of 70 and write another letter to my younger self, pass it onto my grandchildren and try to explain life to them. I want to be wise and content with my life, and know that I’ve given this world the best of me.
For now, I’ll just keep working away and hope that whoever you are, it’s someone I can be proud of turning into.
Lots of Love,