It’s funny to address you directly and personally, like an old friend. In a way, you’re the one constant in my life; the one thing I know will always be there, under the surface. You have defined my identity for the last 10 years, growing more and more restless until I finally gave in and submitted to you at 18 when I moved to university. You’ve sent me through some of the worst emotional struggles of my life, made me miss out on my late teenage years, twisted my perception of myself and the world around me like a controlling spouse, always pushing me further and further, waiting for me to finally crack again.
I have finally taken control of my own life again, and despite your best efforts for while there, I’m doing okay. Honestly, I’m really good right now. I’m putting my energies into doing stuff that makes me happy rather than letting you cloud my judgement and trying to please everyone else. I’m in such a good place with my blogging, with my mental frame of mind… I feel sorry for you because your hold on me is loosening day by day.
I’m 22 tomorrow, and unlike last year where you took over and made me a panicking mess, I’m going to revel in the day. I am going to make the most of the time with my boyfriend and feeling special. I’m going to be grateful for the position I’m in and everything that is good in my life, rather than focus on the negative and get dragged down by you. I’m not saying we’re going to lose each other; in fact I know you’ll never not be in my life. But I’m definitely strong enough to detach myself from you a little now, to give us some space and allow myself to develop into my own person again. I have no doubt that you’ll re-surface in a time of stress, but I’m ready to tackle that moment head on and be a lot stronger.
So I’m just saying, I think it’s time we see other people; I think it’s time to go our separate ways. It’s not forever I’m sure, but it’s a start.