I’ll admit it; I can be as insecure as the next person. Social media and advertising have taught people (girls in particular) to compare and contrast themselves to others. I constantly find myself scrolling through Insta wishing I had that feed, those shoes, that body lying on that beach with that nice cocktail. Sure there’s nothing wrong with aspiring for more, or even just admiring others, but where does the line come between liking someone else’s life and hating yourself for not living like that?
As someone who is always “online” for work, it’s hard to escape the feeling that I need to fit into a certain category in order to be more successful. With anxiety still playing a huge role in my outlook on life, it often plays on my mind that I might not be good enough to achieve my goals and that if I just changed myself, things might be different.
Last year saw me turn into a ghost of myself- constantly worried about how others might perceive my hobbies, changing my wardrobe and haircut because it fitted in with the people I was surrounding myself with, basically just becoming a completely different person so I could fit in a bit more. I’m not saying I’m a complete social outcast when I’m myself, but I was convinced I wasn’t good enough being me.
I made a decision to ditch the negativity this year and start living for me. I cut my hair back the way I love it, started wearing a colour other than black or grey (which was pretty nerve-wracking to be honest), and generally embraced the parts of myself that I had spent the past year suppressing. I love photography, creating posts for Instagram, reading, wearing quirky clothes, listening to 80s music. These things don’t make me any less valuable than the person standing next to me, so why suppress them?
I’m finally able to say that I don’t walk into a room and shudder at the thought of people judging me, and in return I don’t immediately look at everyone and compare myself to them. I’m comfortable in my skin- sure there are improvements that I personally want to make, but I’m being healthy about them, not letting these little things bring me crashing down anymore.
I like the new me- or should I say, the real me. Insecurity, I’m sorry, it’s just not working out. We need a divorce.